It Ain’t Necessarily So

It ain’t necessarily so.
It ain’t necessarily so.
   The things that you’re li’ble
   To read in the Bible;
It ain’t necessarily so.

Poor Adam was lonely, no fib.
God’s answer was not the least glib:
   “A she-mate’ll cost ya,
   But don’t think I’d frost ya;
I’ll only take one little rib.”

The serpent was chatty and free,
So God made a crafty decree:
   “With faith I can fill ya,
   But knowledge’ll kill ya;
So, woman, watch out for that tree!”

The good Lord then took Noah’s hand,
Of all of the creatures he’d planned.
   He said, “I’m afraid I’m
   Right sorry I made ’em;
It’s now only you I can stand.”

Ol’ Abe and the Lord were like kin.
God told him to do his son in.
   “You can’t understand it,
   But since I command it,
Don’t question it; that would be sin!”

From hellfire and brimstone Lot fled.
“I dare you to peek!” the Lord said.
   “Though too kind to burn ya,
   I’ll cheerfully turn ya
To sodium chloride instead.”

The Lord said, “The family God calls
Will serve me despite their shortfalls.
   This pledge that they keep’ll
   Proclaim them my people:
They’ll slice off their masculine shawls.”

Now Jesus is coming some day
Astride a white horse (hip hooray!)
   With all of God’s chilluns
   To punish the villains
Who just don’t believe it that way.

In all things the Lord doeth well,
Say those who in heaven will dwell.
   Our fathers and mothers
   And sisters and brothers
Will praise him he threw us in hell.

We wriggled and writhed long ago
To reverence this “Good Book,” you know,
   But nothing’s more freeing
   Than finally seeing
It ain’t necessarily so.

Ed Morris, 2020

Note: The title and first stanza of this poem were taken from a song by George and Ira Gershwin in their 1935 opera Porgy and Bess.
(I believe my version is in the same spirit as the original, but perhaps a little darker and edgier, especially with its references to hell.)

This page copyright © 2020 Edward A. Morris.  Created May 11, 2020.  Last updated June 2, 2020.

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